12 Signs of Weak Self Love

 In Self Love, Wisdom Blog

Watch this video I made for you to help you discover the ways in which a weak self-love might be affecting your relationships, health, wealth, and happiness. Most of us were never taught this self-love stuff at least in a tangible way that gives you access to making the shifts on the inside that can lead to shifts on the outside. Plus I’ll lead you through a short “Self Love Check In” to help you find what kind of self love you may be weak in, so you can start strengthening it this year.

15 years ago when I realized that I didn’t love myself, I was shocked. If you had asked me if I loved me, I would have said “Yes, I think so.” I had a good job, self confidence, and lots of friends. But I also had an unhappy and toxic romantic relationship, I was headed for a career that wasn’t the one I really desired, I lived in a big house in a city I didn’t like, and I worked, alot, often to the point of exhaustion, overwhelm and stress. I had no idea at the time that all of these outward ways that I was honestly settling in and trying to make work  – in relationship, career, and my emotional and physical health – were connected to a lack of self-love, or what I have come to realize as weak self-love in some ways and strong self love in others. Since that time I have dedicated a big part of my life to understanding self love, defining it, figuring out how to ‘do’ it, not in theory but in real practical ways that give us the power to make changes on the outside that lead to more lasting changes on the outside.

I’ve discovered about 50 signs of weak self love that correlate to challenges in our relationships, careers, wealth, health and happiness that became the basis for the self-love assessment we’ve been testing and validating over the years with success, and that I outline in my book, Madly in Love with Me. This test breaks self love down into 11 different types of self-love including self-care, self compassion, self trust, self empowerment, self esteem.

I’ve listed 12 signs of a lack of self-love in this blog below and shared in depth about 7 more in the video.

Usually a person is weak in some kinds of self love and strong in others. For example strong self compassion, weak self respect, you will have challenges in having healthy happy relationships. You can read all the relationship books in the world but if you don’t delve into self love in the form of self respect, self honor and self awareness and honesty, you will likely not create the relationship you really desire. Strong self empowerment, weak self care and self pleasure, you will go full out for your dreams and in your work, but not matter how many yoga classes you take, unless you work with the core parts of your self love in self care and self pleasure (the beliefs, the habits, the neural pathways that drive your internal operating system) you will have a hard time giving yourself permission to take care of yourself, take a rest, do things just for fun. You will have a hard time ‘turning it off.’

Self-Love Its Something You Choose

Here are 12 others signs of a lack of or weak self-love – take a little self love pulse check with yourself , and answer YES or NO.  Notice the types of self-love that are weak … 


1. Feel overwhelmed and stressed out : (weak self-care and self-worth)

2. Get stuck in unhealthy or unhappy relationships: (weak self-honor, self –respect, self-honesty and self trust)

3. Have no time for fun or feel guilty when not working or doing something productive: (weak self-pleasure and self-worth)

4. Play small, stay stuck in your job, don’t live your full potential, doubt yourself: (weak self-empowerment and self-expression)

5. Compare yourself, judge yourself, get critical of yourself: (weak self acceptance and self compassion)

6. Hate on your body, call yourself fat, obsess about your body: (weak self acceptance)

7. Settle in your work and relationships: (lack of self-esteem, self-empowerment self-worth)

8. Get anxious, let fear drive your choices, obsess about things in your mind: (weak self trust and self empowerment.)

9. Make choices that you regret later, or that put you in situations in which you are giving too much, or your boundaries aren’t honored: (weak self-trust, self-care, self worth)

10. Are not sure who you are, what you want, and just surf through life or follow the path others have laid out for you: (weak self-empowerment, self-awareness, self-expression)

11. Feel unlovable, unloved, unworthy, like a fraud, and inferior (weak self-worth and self-honor and self esteem)

12. Put pressure on yourself to do more be more have more instead of celebrating what you’ve done (weak self-acceptance, self-compassion, self-pleasure, self-care and self-worth)

What I have found in my life and those that I have worked with over the years is that if you can start seeing the link between the patterns, habits, situations that don’t serve you or that are not what you would like them to be to the 11 types of self love you can start making what I call ‘small but mighty’ shifts.

When you proactively focus on strengthening all 11 types of self love…

…including self compassion, self care, self expression, self honor, and more – you start making shifts on the inside that affect your relationships, health, wealth, career, and happiness because you are getting to the ROOT of the situation, which exists inside of you, instead of just treating the symptom on the outside.




Every year at this time, I and hundreds of people around the world commit to strengthening our self love …

We all have different areas of our life we are elevating, growing and making shifts in, but the self love foundation is the same for every human. We focus on growing one self love branch per month for an entire year – and powerful shifts occur. Without having to leave our homes or lives, we make the changes inside our lives.

We call it “THE LOVE CLUB” – we start with Self Compassion in March – you are invited to join us.

Go here to read the full invitation. www.JOINTHELOVECLUB.com 

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Showing 2 comments
  • Elizabeth Wright

    I have been called “beautiful, compassionate, kind, friendly, angel, loving, good friend,
    sweet person, great mom, great wife, good relative, etc., but how come I don’t find
    myself loving myself… I have been told that to love yourself, it is selfish…
    (I personally would like to know myself as a good friend… I think I would like
    myself that way.) Being a good friend to myself… Am I really selfish to love
    myself ???

    • Christine Arylo

      elizabeth – the short answer, no. to love oneself allows others to love others even more. yes, lots of people have been taught and told to love oneself is selfish, just not true. spiritual teachers for many centuries have taught self love … there is even a commandment that says Love thy neighbor as thy love thyself. Self love is smart not self ish. I invite you to change your mind about it regardless of what anyone else says. In my book Madly in Love with ME in the first few chapters I go into this a great deal. Sending you much love xoxo

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