8 Facets of Compassionate Leadership: Model for Elevating Internally + within Ecosystems We Influence
I imagine a world in which compassionate leadership is the norm because we learn and practice it starting in pre-school, hold it as a societal norm for what it means to be a good human, and make having strong capacity for compassion a job requirement for anyone given a leadership position or position of power in any system or organization. Imagine that with me?
Compassion is one of the most powerful energies we have as leaders of our own lives as well as in our teams, families, organizations, communities, projects and the society we co-create. But compassion is also one of those things that can feel so vast that we don’t know quite how to employ it – especially in realms like business, our work projects, or in situations that trigger our own defense mechanisms and sense of safety.
One of my super powers is taking big, vast concepts like compassion and breaking them down so we can practically access and use this power in ways that elevate and influence the fields of interaction we find ourselves — within ourselves, with others, the world or a situation we find ourselves in.
Between 2010-2015 I did a deep dive into the “energy” of compassion – to understand it and break it down into what I call the 8 Facets of Compassion. I’ve been practicing and teaching these 8 facets ever since, not as a perfection to live up to, but as a practice and a strategy to come home to.
Compassion is an ‘energy’ that we choose to give, offer, speak from, stand in, embody, show up in. Energy has a frequency band – from lower and higher frequencies. We can’t see the energy frequency but we sure can feel it within ourselves and from others!
Here’s our choice as leaders:
We can choose to think about, show up in, or act from a lower frequency (like pressure, criticism, judgement, blame, resentment, impatience, frustration, righteousness or fear) that adds to the dysfunction, drama or lack of harmony and synergy. We can be chaos makers and conflict amplifiers.
OR we can give ourselves the space to have our lower frequency human emotion and then elevate our perspective and presence into higher frequency using the 8 facets of compassion (see the model below and read the full descriptions below). We do what i call “Emote to Elevate” and then we are able to respond from compassionate, courageous leadership and create situations that may still be challenging or disappointing, but open up space for new possibilities that create more harmony, synergy, and connection. We can be coherency makers and tension elevators.
As you read the words below and consider the model of the 8 Facets of Compassionate Leadership, I invite you to consider how intentionally working with the power of the energy of compassion can support you in real practical ways …
- First, within your own internal experience and wellbeing – How can the 8 facets of compassion support me to transform self-criticism, judgment, blame, pressure, resentment or fear? So I can motivate myself from courageous compassion, curiosity, loving truth and internal peace and clarity?
- Second, with the people you lead in your team, influence in your work, guide/love in your family/relationships – How can the 8 facets of compassion act as a tool I can use when having friction, judgement, blame, resentment, projection, frustration, or disappointment with an individual or group/system? To slow me down, and elevate the situation vs. add to the stress, emotional commotion and drama?
- Third, with the bigger world situations that get under your skin or swirl you up and distract your energy or diminish your frequency – How can the 8 facets of compassion act as a portal out of the anger, despair, judgement, separation that drags me down and clear off the ‘ick’ and help me elevate? So I can see clearly and embrace my power to show up as a strong presence leading from the heart, higher mind and my embodied power?
Why Compassionate Leadership Now?
We may not be able to control the world around us, the people around us, or what shows up in our lives or the lives of people we lead and care for, but we do have sovereign power in how we choose to respond with our actions and presence.
We have the absolute power to choose the perspective we hold in our minds and the emotions we respond from in our heart, and as a result feel the immense power we have to shift and shape the realities and relationships we live in, participate in, and cause.
Compassionate leadership is available to each of us. We don’t need a title or position of authority to be a compassionate leader. When we embrace our power to influence a situation, a person, and the cultures/ecosystems/communities we work, live and swim in through the intentional practice and application of the 8 facets of compassion, we embody our personal leadership. And we show that a different, more human, honoring, connected way is possible.
A few things to consider about Leading from Compassion:
Choosing to come from Compassion is NOT about:
- condoning or compromising
- turning the higher cheek or being the ‘better bigger person’
- suppressing our feelings so we don’t hurt or offend others
- sacrificing ourselves
- sugarcoating things so everyone feels better
- being ‘nice’
What the 8 Facets of Compassionate Leadership Opens Up for Us:
- Elevating the entire field of interaction – with ourselves, others, the world or the situation we find ourselves in – to one of loving truth.
- Creating space for both our humanity & imperfections + our higher selves & excellence.
- Speaking the “loving” truth – with kindness + empathy.
- Understanding each other so we can assume positive intent instead of make stuff up in our head.
- Creating connection when conflict arises instead of shutting down or putting up walls,
- Creating space for new possibilities to emerge vs. re-creating the same triggers, dramas and ineffective relational realities again and again.
- And so much more…
“One of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as polar opposites, so that love is identified with a resignation of power, and power with a denial of love. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and that love without power is sentimental and anemic… power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is love correcting everything that stands against love.”
— Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
The 8 Facets of Compassionate Leadership
We call these the 8 facets – because like a facet on a diamond it creates a clear perspective from us to stand in, see from, show up from and speak from.
#1 through 6 are the specific kinds of Compassion energy we can offer to, give to, and come from in our presence, energy, actions, words.
#7 and #8 are what I call the ‘big guns’ of compassion … we can work with compassion internally to free ourselves from situations and feelings/judgements about people that are almost impossible to shake without the super power of forgiveness or mercy. We don’t need to talk about these with the person/people we are offering the compassion to, we ‘put it in the field’.
- Sympathy: “I am sorry you are in pain, struggle, suffering.”
- Empathy: “I feel your pain, struggle, suffering.”
- Understanding: “I witness your pain, struggle, suffering.”
- Patience: “I am present with you as you struggle, and give you permission to go as fast as the slowest part of you can go.”
- Kindness: “I meet you with loving truth.”
- Gentleness: “I embrace you with softness as you move through your pain.”
- Forgiveness: “I am sorry for my part in creating this situation and it’s impact on you. I own my piece. And I release the rest.”
- Mercy: “I hold space for your highest good, truth, healing and freedom from suffering through the presence of grace. I see your pain as part of the collective pain which has/is also inside of me. I pray for the release of your pain and choose not to add to it.”
Go Deeper
- Tune into the podcast on the Genuine Power Series – Compassion – A Strategy for Surviving, Stabilizing, & Alchemizing the Ick
- Explore the Enneagram – for yourself or your team. One of the best tools for accessing compassion without even calling it compassion 🙂 I have worked with this system and tool for 20 years with teams and leaders, and with couple and in my own evolution and relationship. Learn more about working with me here and reach out.
