Whom we share our lives, bodies, homes, and children with are some of the most important choices we make as women.

Our relationships have the power to support and enhance our lives, careers, and overall well-being—but they also have the power to derail, distract, or drain us. Yet, most of us receive little to no training on how to choose healthy, supportive people to date, live with, marry, or partner with, or how to know if we are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship. When I realized how  far too many books were focused on finding the right partner vs. how our internal foundation of self-love directly drives our relationship choices, and experienced first hand how so many smart women were making sabotaging relationship choices, I knew we needed a book on self-love and relationships, that addressed questions like:

choosing me before we bookcover

What wisdom and insight do we as women need about ourselves to choose healthy relationships and partners?

How do we know if we are in an unhealthy or toxic relationship? How do we unlearn our self-sabotaging relationship patterns and break through to healthier habits?

What does a truly aligned, healthy partnership look and feel like?

It is far too easy to absorb and repeat the unhealthy or toxic relationship practices we see modeled by our families and friends, on social media, or in movies and television shows. It is also easy to make choices in our relationships from a wounded place, seeking external validation, security, or love.

But when we have access to deeper self-awareness, wisdom and new perspectives on what is healthy and unhealthy in relationships, and stories of how other women shifted their own relationship patterns, we can end unhealthy cycles, heal our emotional wounds, and become empowered to create the relationships and connection that we desire and need.

In this guidebook, Choosing ME Before WE, Christine Arylo teaches:

  • How to:
    • Spot (and avoid!) unhealthy, dissatisfying, emotionally abusive, or toxic relationships
    • Avoid compromising ourselves and our beliefs, values, and goals in a relationship
    • Avoid overstaying in an unhealthy relationship out of insecurity or love
    • Discern if we are in a partnership for a period or a lifetime
    • Understand and heal our emotional wounds, and unlearn unhealthy relationship habits
  • What the baseline expectations are for a healthy relationship, like respect
  • What a healthy relationship looks and feels like, and how to create it


A lack of self-love and inner wisdom is at the root of all of our unhealthy relationship choices. 

When our self-respect, self-awareness, self-worth, self-compassion, and self-trust are strong, we gain the power and insight to create the relationships we desire and deserve.


  1. ME: First, we focus on you because all relationships are reflections of your relationship with yourself.
    • ME Reflections: The questions we need to ask ourselves to get real about our current relationships and our self-sabotaging relationship habits.
    • Relationship Wisdom: The insight and training about relationships that we need, but have not received.
    • Powerful Self-Awareness Techniques: Simple processes to illuminate the subconscious habits, imprints, and beliefs that drive us to choose relationships that are not in alignment with our values and goals.
  2. HE/SHE/THEY: Second, we get to the heart of the relationships you desire and the person you want to be in relationship with.
    • The Core Four: Practices to go beyond our mental checklists and get to the heart of what we want to feel, what kind of relationships we seek, and the person that our future partner is and who we are together.
  3. WE: Third, you receive the model of how an authentic and healthy relationship should look and feel.
    • Opening Yourself to Partnership and Connection: Self-reflective questions and exercises to uncover and heal where we may push healthy relationships and connection away or struggle to receive love and genuine emotional intimacy.


“I seriously collected more real, useful tidbits from this book than I think I’ve ever gotten from therapy. This is not fluff or filler, but real substance mixed with Christine’s personal experiences and anecdotes. Since reading the book, I’ve bought several additional copies to keep on hand for friends who are going through relationship or self-esteem challenges . . . It’s a gem!”


“It felt like I was talking to my girlfriend or with someone whose opinion I could really trust.”


“I’ve read many books behind the nature and psychology of love but this book was the first that got me to uncover some surprising insights into my own motivations that I really didn’t know were there . . . This isn’t a pseudo-diagnostic tool, it’s more akin to a casual chat with a good friend over a bottle of wine that uncovers many more home truths than you expected. It’s refreshing and honest.”


“I always felt like I loved myself . . . yet I never truly examined what that means and how you really practice it in your everyday life . . . finally realizing what loving myself means is the biggest epiphany I’ve had. I feel like my life’s course has changed direction and now that I practice self-love, I will never settle for an unfulfilling or bad relationship. All of my previous failed relationships amount to one thing—LACK OF SELF-LOVE . . . [Choosing ME Before WE] was refreshing, exhilarating, and amazing!”


“I read this book and found myself gradually shifting the way I had thought about myself and relationships until, by the end, I found myself in a new, unimaginably strong and positive space. How did it happen? I honestly couldn’t tell you a specific page or exercise, but I think it was the author’s expert guidance; clear, cogent writing; and genuine concern for her readers and desire to share with them her own hard-earned lessons.”


As we take a stand to only have loving, respectful, and healthy relationships, we work towards a better reality for our children and generations to come, one in which our relationships uplift and support us.


Meditations and Inspiration for Creating Your Core Four


Transformational Leadership Advisor, MBA, Wisdom Teacher, Social Innovator & four-time author

For over 20 years, Arylo has been devoted to working with emerging and established women leaders across generations & geography to break through the invisible systemic and self-created interference that has kept women stuck in realities, relationships, careers and cycles that diminish our true power, wisdom and presence.

Her unique approach and super power for creating new models, practices, and processes that lead people to new insights, deeper wisdom, a path to do things differently have made her a sought-out thought leader, advisor, coach, teacher and facilitator for individuals, teams, and organizations ready for lasting transformation & elevation.

So Much Stronger Together


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