The Loneliness Cure: 5 Instant Remedies To Stop Feeling Lonely and Start Feeling Loved

 In Happiness, Wisdom Blog


There’s not a person on this planet who hasn’t felt lonely
at some point in their lives, loneliness is one of the most common, but least
talked about, diseases of our time. As a culture and individuals we would much
rather avoid it, cover it up, or pretend that it doesn’t really affect us – but
loneliness touches everyone. We all carry a loneliness gene that when
circumstances arise create very unpleasant and sometimes really
self-destructive “Loneliness Flare Ups,” occasions when you feel alone,
disconnected or like you don’t belong. Feeling like you have nowhere to turn,
you find yourself using self-sabotaging
habits to avoid the feeling of loneliness.

Most of us – ill equipped and ignorant about how to treat
these flare ups in a healthy way – make self-destructive choices, doing
anything we can to avoid having to feel
the loneliness. Maybe some of these ring true for you:


·       Overstaying
in relationships or participating in unhealthy relationships
– even though being in a relationship without
intimate connection is one of the loneliest place you can find yourself, you
convince yourself it feels better to have a warm body next to you or a person
to call friend or family, than to imagine spending your days and nights alone –
even if that relationship is toxic, unhealthy or holding you back from your

·       Overworking
yourself in jobs that don’t really require so much of your time
– you’ll work the 60-80 a week, give 150% to your
company, travel more than you need, because at least you can stay busy, feel
useful and get external acknowledgment for your achievements, instead of having
to be honest that your life is missing intimate connection.

·       Overeating,
overshopping, overconsuming and overinduldging anything
– the short-term gratification that comes from your
soft addictions creates temporary relief from the hole of loneliness that’s
been sitting in your heart and belly for quite some time. Not wanting to feel
the loneliness, you use the short term high to get you through.

Why is it so hard to be with loneliness? And what can you do
for yourself to deal with the loneliness when it surfaces to heal yourself
versus just appease the wounds that will just flare up again?

First, understand what’s really happening when you
experience a Loneliness Flare Up. You are starving for love and suffering from
disconnection. The truth is that every human being, regardless of who you are,
how much money, esteem, or status you have or don’t, needs love to survive – most of us just aren’t very skilled
at getting it in healthy ways, or we are too proud to admit we need it. But
just like you need oxygen to breathe, your heart needs love to live. And the
sooner you can admit that, you can receive the ultimate cure for loneliness,

When loneliness flares up you feel disconnected from love
in its many forms
– from affection,
intimacy, a sense of belonging, acknowledgement, being seen. Although in truth
you can never sever the connection to love, the connections can weaken, until
eventually you find yourself smack in the middle of a Loneliness Flare Up,
starving for love. This causes the kind of pain we will do almost anything to
avoid feeling.

5 Love-Filled Remedies to Loneliness

Love Image

Next time you find yourself on the brink of a loneliness
flare up, or turning to your addictions or unhealthy habits to avoid feeling
the loneliness apply one or more of these remedies to the places inside of you
that are really just in need of love. Or use them as preventive medicine so
that you keep your connections strong and that loneliness gene stays dormant.

1.  Yourself.
Spend an evening or entire day by
yourself, no electronic connection devices to others.
Take yourself
to dinner or make a romantic dinner at home, and spend the night having a
deeply intimate check-in with yourself. Ask yourself questions like, “How are
you doing? What do you really need right now? What would make you happiest?
What are you really proud of me for? What do you really love about me? What can
we do to make my life even better?” Write the answers down and promise to take
a least one action towards your happiness. Go to sleep feeling loved, by


2.  Other
people –
Send out a love line.
Call someone you can trust and tell them that you are feeling a little love
starved. Ask them to share some of their love with you. Tell them what you need
to hear and ask them to say those things back to you plus whatever else their
heart has to offer. Hang up the phone or leave the date feeling seen, and go to
sleep feeling cared for.


3.  Spirit – Connect to the divine, to the bigger universal
source, whatever that is for you.
Get out of your narrow perspective
of feeling isolated or like you are on a desert island alone, by opening up
your heart to receive love from spirit. Do this by journaling a letter to the
Universe, by praying, doing yoga, singing, meditating, reading a spiritual
book, going for a long walk, whatever connects you to a higher force than


4.  Nature
and Animals –
Get connected with your
senses and body to nature and animals.
Flowers open hearts, as do
trees, mountains, lakes, anything in the natural world. Animals too! Fill your
house with flowers. Lay on the ground or in the grass and feel the support of
the earth. Go for a long hike or walk and notice how alive nature is. Pet a
dog. Cuddle a cat.


5.  Public
places where people gather –
 Belong to the world. The
Dalai Lama was once asked if he ever got lonely, and he replied that he
couldn’t be lonely when he was surrounded by so many people. Take yourself out
to a public place – the movies, a café, the bus — and observe the people
around you, then begin to interact with them through smiling, small talk, or
giving love to them via a compliment. When you generate love for others,
especially strangers, you receive it back ten fold.


About Christine Arylo

Christine Arylo, m.b.a. and recovering achievement junkie,
is an inspirational catalyst who teaches people how to put their most important
partnership first, the one with themselves, so that they can create the life
their souls crave. The popular author of Choosing ME before WE and the self-love handbook, Madly in Love
with ME, the Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend
, she’s affectionately known as the “Queen of
Self-Love.” Arylo founded the international day of self-love on Feb 13th
and is the co-founder of the self-love and empowerment school for women, Inner
Mean Girl Reform School

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Showing 4 comments
  • Katerina

    Thank you Christine. Your message couldn’t come in more “appropriate” time. Much love back to you!!!

  • Doreen Fulton

    This was a wonderful post and video. Just what I needed for inspiration as go to work with families who have special needs. I plan to share your ideas/secrets with those who are looking for a Stress Rx.
    With much appreciation for the love and insight you share,

  • marsea ilio

    Blessings to you, Christine,
    After meeting you in person at the excellente Wine and the Devine
    I can appreciate you even more! Thank you! These five helpers will be placed in practice…maybe scribed on my studio wall.
    This is one of my very favorite talks from you! (excellently framed by Shiloh’s beauty) I thank you again for your assistance in jumping the hurdles for self love.
    Back to sculpting,

  • Barbara Paris

    Thank you dear Christine. You always show up at the right time with the the right message.
    I just was in the beginning throes of a lonliness attack ond boom there you are with the perfect answers I may do them all, or one ot two, but you know what. I DONT FEEL LONELY NOW!. hOW COULD I FEEL LONELY WITH YOU IN MY LIFE.!!
    Its a beautiful day, we are beautiful women, our world is rich and full and divine, and it has great need for us. We are the beloved.
    Lets celebrate.

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