Confessions & Strategies of a Recovering Control Addict

 In Feminine Super Powers, Self Love, Self-Care & Self-Sustainability, Success, Wisdom Blog

HI Sister or Brother Control Addict – yes, it’s okay, you can admit that like most of us human beings you love to control. Well, maybe not love, but you can’t seem to help yourself. Control is what your mind believes gives you power. Power to keep yourself safe, secure and successful. Which of course is SO not true. What control really does is give you migraines, stress, swinging emotions and a heck of alot more work!

Not to fret. There is another way to live. One that offers way more happiness, love, peace… one that allows miracles to show up in your life… one that gives you the feeling of safety and security you need to take the risks in life that bring your heart and soul what they truly desire.

And that way is the way of the Feminine Super Power of Surrender. Surrender is the choice to let go of control and struggle, letting yourself step into, fall into, move into the unknown, led by the light of the divine (even when you can’t see it!)

Check out the video above
and I’ll share with you why we try to control, why surrender is a much better choice, and two easy ways you can move into surrender vs. control in any moment of your day!

And then, in honor of us recovering controllers I invite you to post on this blog one thing you are trying to control using this statement of surrender

“I SURRENDER (insert the thing you are trying to control)
to the DIVINE (or whatever you call this higher power.”

And then put yourself in the Surrender Position (as illustrated in the video) and release control by doing the  “I SURRENDER” mantra 3x!

The release feels divine!!


Sometimes we don’t like to admit we are trying to control, and sometimes we are just totally blind to it. To help you amp up your awareness when you are in Control mode, here are four ways you know when you are NOT surrendering:

ONE: Your Body tells you –

  • Tighten jaw
  • Shoulder blades, neck get tense, control the universe spot
  • Head spins
  • Anxiety in your chest
  • Fatigue

TWO: Your Emotions tell you

  • Crabby
  • Lash Out
  • Get bossy
  • Angst

THREE: Your Mind tells you

  • Won’t shut down or off – insomnia, busy busy, monkey mind, can’t meditate
  • Obsessive – going over and over in head, dog on bone, can’t let go
  • In the future or the past – wishing for it to be different than it is.

FOUR: Your Habits tell you

  • Work harder – overwork (work-aholic)
  • Life falls out of balance and harmony – becomes lopsided – all about work, all about the kids, all about helping someone
  • Reaching out in an obsessive kind of way to get feedback and answers from others – collude, gossip, seek too much feedback
  • Fall into the computer, searching for answers
  • Addictive behaviors tell you
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Showing 28 comments
  • Sallie Ann

    I adore you, my teacher, my guide, my friend! Loved this. Thanks.

  • Tarja

    You are just awesome Christine! I so appreciate you as you share your willingness to surrender…it helps all us control addicts know we can do it different.

  • Kasey

    Thank you for this video…control is a huge issue for me.
    Let go let God,

  • maxine

    Hi Christine,
    Thank you so much for sharing this video, I have passed this on to my daughter who is still suffering anorexia and full of fear and out of control, I also am a recovering alcoholic of 5 years and without my faith and letting go I would not be as free as I am today.
    Peace and Love

  • Susan

    Dear Christine,
    Another wonderfully insightful lesson! Thank you for this and for all that you share to help us to move forward in a more peaceful, joyful, and loving way.
    With much appreciation,

  • Pat

    Loved this Christine. I can feel the pressure lifting off as you share. .. and as I listen. Now to surrender to the practice. Thanks

  • sune


  • Ines

    Thank you Christine, this came at the perfect time for me!
    I surrender my fear about the future to the Divine.

  • stehanie

    dear christine,
    you are beautiful! i love it! this is just what i needed. thank you, thank you, thank you! now i’m going to go lie down on my living room floor and surrender my entire life to the divine.
    stephanie : )
    p.s. do you think i could get a stone tablet at ikea???

  • Linda

    Hi Christine,
    such an awesome young, talented woman…That’s what you are.
    This “instruction” arrives here with me at the right moment.
    I am looking for job, had more than a couple of interviews
    with different companies, some of which offer positions like a “dream” or perfect fit to my professional life so far.
    I was always passionate, maybe sometimes too passionate and I even left the company (an airline) which I always wanted to work for 15 years ago.
    Now it looks like I can come back and almost in the place where I ever wanted to be 😉 Ok, almost.
    But, I felt, I cannot control it, I need to wait and let go.
    What will be will be…maybe some of us (myself included) need to learn more on surrendering (one of my fav’S with Elvis) or just letting go.
    Thank you, Christine.
    It arrived at the right moment here in my mail box.
    All the best for you. Keep up your encouraging work.
    Must be “hard” for you sometimes, too, no? 😉
    Kindest regards

  • Ludovica

    Thank you Chris!

  • frances cranton

    thanks ,the breath definately focus works ,Ihave to remember it is as it is and let go ,yes surrender

  • Sabine wernink

    Hello Christine,
    Just in time this mail comes in.
    I was wondering lately why the hell I’m so tired,anxious and sick in my stomach.
    I’ve been running around for my children,friends,ex husband for years and totally forgot about myself.I’m trying to overcome the idea that to look after myself and do the things I love is selfish.
    Took me a while to find out,but my body is really telling me to calm down.
    Thank you for your wisdom and a beautifullday to you and the people around you.
    Love Sabine.

  • Rhonda

    Hi Christine,really loved the video. Just what I needed as I am also a control addict.The video will be of great support to me and my family.Thankyou and much love.

  • Hey, Christine! Thank you so much for this! I knew I had control issues, but I had no idea how deep they were rooted until I read 3 and 4 in your “Surrender Insights.”
    Thank you for opening my eyes!!!!
    It is so hard for me to give up all of my control. As much as I want it, I still seem to hold on. Is there any way to get around it? I guess I need to surrender that to God, as well. ;o)
    I love your site, and am so blessed that you are sharing your self love!
    Surrendering it ALL today,

  • Cindy

    I am glad I saw this today. I have been told I am a perfectionist and a control freak. But you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I look sloppy, my house isn’t clean. LOL, its because if I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to do it at all and I give up. But I didn’t realize that my control issues were causing my mood swings and my lashing out at my son or my grumpiness to my husband. I really needed to see this today, thank you.

  • Jill

    Thank you. I so need this right now:-)
    I SURRENDER (trying to find the best job for the highest good of all and for my highest purpose) now
    to the DIVINE.

  • jan

    I have frequently found (in the past) that surrendering to the Universe, the Divine, whatever it is that appears to have some affect on me in my life, generally ends with me living better than I could have imagined with more love in my heart and consequently in my life, than I ever thought possible and also comfort, safety, etc.
    Like you, I find that when I am fearful I want to control the people in my life, and every little thing. But eventually I laugh at myself and let go. It is so liberating and joyful.
    This practice has also taught me that I don’t need most of the things I thought I couldn’t do without. However, it has also taught me that I do need the love in my heart first before I try to relate to anyone else.
    Thank you for the lovely reminder! namaste

  • Emma

    Hi Christine,
    Wow, our culture teaches us exactly the opposite, you’re supposed to control in order to have a successful, happy life! Not to mention constant self-monitoring to make sure you do the “right” thing.
    And it’s possible for self-help to become just another layer of control, in the way that it breaks everything down and tells you you have to do this, that and the other thing. It’s actually quite dangerous in my opinion. “Great, so now not only does my life suck, I’ve also failed to take my power back, let go, be committed, etc.”
    I don’t know what shifted for me recently, but it did. It is exemplified by my realization that wasn’t practicing yoga for the other people in the class, or the teacher. (In other words, prior to that, personal growth was mainly a way to improve myself so I would finally be lovable.)
    That may be a worthwhile question for inquiry, when you control something, what are you *really* trying to get?
    What I especially like about this post is that I can realize I am doing these things without feeling guilty about it. It has the emotionally neutral quality that I associate with real insight (as opposed to the same old crap in new clothes).
    I also appreciated your suggestion to surrender to something greater than yourself, the divine, because it allows more trust. Surrender is too scary when it’s just little ol’ you, there can be a fear that forces/people more powerful than you may take you over.

  • Betsy Starbear

    I SURRENDER LOVE and impatience/TIME to Creator!
    Thank you for this exercise/process reminder.
    We all do it daily here with the weather, and forget that it works for everything else.

  • Loran

    What a great video you made!
    I too am in a 12 step recovery program and the thought of surrendering my will did not sit well in the beginning but after practicing letting go for 16 years I’m starting to make progress. I have had those moments of totally giving up and releasing control but never said the words “I surrender” three times but next time I will! Thanks, Christine.

  • karen

    I surrender my attachment and feeling s for someone to the devine

  • Bevi

    I SURRENDER the state of my loved ones’ health and wellbeing to CONSCIOUSNESS.

  • Cheryl

    Just what the emotional DR. ordered.

  • Beth Zelten

    I really thank God for you Christine! This comes at a time when I’m sooo down I can hardly stand it! I cried all thru your message. I will try this. Thank you!

  • Witchy One

    Thanks so much Christine for this post and video. I have always had control issues, and reading this today brought me to tears. As soon as I watched the video, I knew what i needed to do! thanks again for all your inspiration!

  • Billie

    Thank you for sharing. It came at the right time in my life. I watch the video daily to be reminded of letting go.
    I was inspired by this and also bought your book. Now I’m reading it!

  • Patricia Roberts

    Just finished reading ME before WE. I felt Christine was there every step of the way. I saw myself in so many things and the mistakes I made that enabled this to happen. It was hard to accept that I was the enabler in the relationship and that I allowed my self respect to take the back burner in order to hold on to a love that wan’t really there. I learned where I was weak (I now know that is what he prayed on), why I refused to hold myself to a higher standard and the fear that kept me there for 17 years. It is extremely hard to accept responsibility in your life. I cried at times, I laughed at others but I walked away with a new-found self respect and a wake up call to who I am and what I am entitled to in my life. I know that it has only been two and a half months and I have a long way to go but this has been the catalyst I needed to start really loving myself. I have read a lot of self help books the past two months and this is the only one that hit the nail on the head! Thanks Christine, I don;t feel so alone anymore!

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