No Matter How Much I Do, It’s Never Enough… how to be happy regardless of how much you accomplish

 In Happiness, Self Love, Taking Care of Me

Start a company. Support your family. Save the world. Stay looking like you are 25. And by the way, don’t break a sweat while doing it… after all, other women seem to be keeping it together, what’s wrong with you? That’s the mind chatter of the 21st century super women who looks like she has it all together, smiling the stress away through her teeth.

Behind this façade, however, is the reality that we super women feel completely overwhelmed, yet we don’t know how to do our busy lives any differently.  Dig deeper behind the mask, and you will find that as insane as this may sound, most women wear their busyness like it’s a badge of honor, proving we are worthy because we can get so much done.

We have become a generation of achievement junkies and doing addicts. Forget Generation X or Y, how about calling us Generation E, for Exhausted! But it’s not totally our fault, you know, we were bred to be this way. Girls and women today have more opportunities, self-confidence and independence than any generation of women before, a reality that many women and men fought hard for, and one that we don’t want to give back.

However, like all forward movements for humankind, the feminist movement has also had unintended impacts. Women today, while freer in many ways, face more pressure than their grandmothers and mothers combined, which leads to more responsibilities, choices and ultimately stress, but not to more happiness (a fact backed by last year’s Time Magazine study which compared the level of happiness of women in the 1970s to today, the same.)

Quite simply put, women have been liberated, yes, but we’ve basically moved ourselves into a new jail cell with the nameplate:

 “I feel empowered to do anything, but pressured to do everything.”

As it turns out, the lifestyle expectations for the modern world woman are completely unsustainable. Most women are running on fumes, on the verge of burnout, and now even our grade school girls – driven to be super achievers from a young age – experience chronic symptoms of stress once only known to adults (my biggest stress at 11 was getting caught sticking my finger in the chocolate chip cookie batter!)

The solutions thus far have been focused on giving girls and women around the world self-esteem, teaching the message, “You can do anything.” And there lies the problem. The focus is on ‘doing.’ While self-esteem has been a critical step for raising the confidence of women and girls around this country, the unintended impact is a generation who defines themselves and their value by what they ‘do.’

We have conditioned our selves and our girls to believe that if we are not doing everything, then we are failing, ultimately leading to the damaging and crushing belief that

“You are not enough.”

The unintended impact of the self-esteem movement has left us with this problem: No matter how much a woman or girl does, she will never feel like she is enough, and therefore she will never attain the happiness she works so hard for.

So what is the new solution?

Self-Love.

How is self-love different than self-esteem?

Self-love has nothing to do with what you ‘do’ but everything to do with how you respect and love yourself. Self-love, when you have it, doesn’t measure your worth by what you’ve accomplished, but by the measure of,

“Have you treated yourself and others with unconditional love and respect?”

The definition of self-love posted on dictionary.com is “conceit, vanity and narcissism,” a testament to how our society currently views self-love. Is it surprising that most women feel guilty when they take time away from the doing to take care of themselves? Or that they don’t value the ability to relax, find inner peace or just ‘be’ like they value the ability to get it all done?

Our patterns, habits and beliefs as 21st century women have been formed based on valuing ourselves by what we can do instead of by who we are, regardless of what we accomplish. If we ever hope to have lives that sustain us versus drain us, we must rewire our thought patterns and change what we value.

The ticket out of the overwhelm and overwork is not another downward dog pose, a new time management system or the holy grail of balance. The ticket out is your belief that you are enough simply because you are, and that is the act of self-love.

3 Acts of Self-Love You Can Start Today:

Stop wearing your busyness and overwhelm like a badge of honor.  
Give up saying things like “I am SO busy. I have SO much to do.” Stop looking for sympathy and acknowledgment for your busyness. If you feel overwhelmed or too busy, don’t be a martyr, instead take your life back. Go through your calendar and say “No” to previous “Yes’.” Renegotiate promises and deadlines. You’ll be amazed how the world just gives you the space you ask for when you stop valuing yourself for being so darn busy.

Stop acknowledging other women for their super human feats of multi-tasking.
When a woman flashes her busy badge of honor – whether your are face-to-face or facebooking – instead of congratulating or commiserating with her, either ignore the invitation to collude, or invite her to put less pressure on herself by sharing your personal experience of transforming your own overwhelm into self-love.

Start your morning by asking, “What do I need to take care of me today?”
How you start your day is how you will live your day, so before you even get out of bed, close your eyes and ask yourself what you really need that day to take care of yourself. Listen to what your intuition tells you. No matter what, keep that promise to yourself, even if that means doing nothing!

About Christine Arylo
Christine Arylo, an m.b.a. turned writer, speaker and teacher, is an inspirational catalyst who teaches women how to give up their doing addiction and to stop being so hard on themselves. A recovering achievement junkie and doing addict herself, Arylo is the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School and the author of Choosing ME before WE, Every Woman’s Guide to Life and Love www.mebeforewe.com. Known as the “Queen of Self-Love,” Arylo created Madly in Love with ME, the international day of self-love (Feb 13), dedicated to making self-love a tangible reality for women and girls around the world. www.madlyinlovewithme.com

 

 

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Showing 34 comments
  • Kelly Lynn

    Christine!
    WOW! This article spoke so clearly to me… I always feel like I have to “do” more but no MORE. I absolutely LOVE your self-love tips to take care of ME first as I am so passionate about the issues of self-love and self-care. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and knowledge you are impacting so many women lives. You are such an inspiration! xoxo
    Kelly Lynn

  • Racquel Victoria Singleton

    I agree with not focusing on the busyness of our lives and taking time to focus on self-Love But I find it a challenge to stay focus on loving me, The good news is I am willing to KEEP trying. I really like the blog and I think the tools will help, Also i find meditation helps the busy mind to calm it self and I am working on that a little at a time, I think the mind must be calm in order to really make progression in the self LOVE journey.

  • blue fairy

    Dear Christine
    Thank you soo much for this blog, for the email I got that took me to this blog!! I feel so fortunate to have read this today. Just yesterday I was full of those negative self-talks being really mean to myself, thinking I was not “doing” enough. The universe heard me and sent me your message and as a wake up call. I want to change this in my life and start loving myself more. Thank you! thank you!!!
    love,
    bluefairy

  • Joyce Nardozzi

    Dear Christine,
    Thank you for sending me the link to your blog. I have to say, I believe you are on to something here! Everything you wrote resonated with me. You are so right in that Self Love IS our saving grace. It is high time that each of us recognize it and act upon it, It is time for us to “stop and smell the roses” rather than busying ourselves with making potpourri, flavored tea, and scented soaps from them (unless, of course, that is what we choose to do for ourselves).
    I applaud you on bringing your idea to the forefront. I will be sharing your blog with my “lady friends”, as well as my three daughters. It is my daughters’ generation that I hope will glean much from you writings, so they will know that self love is not only encouraged, but it is a pre-requisite to a life filled with love. As the saying goes, you cannot give to others what you yourself do not possess. With the acceptance and cultivation of Self Love at an early age, how can it not be possible for them to truly enjoy life and all it has to offer? It is my wish that my daughter’s lives are without the self imposed stress and pressure to do it all (and with a smile to boot) that is so prevalent in the women of today.
    I look forward to hearing more about your self love experience and admire you for taking YOU into consideration. I’ll be following right behind you. And guess what?….with zero guilt!
    All the best to you,
    Joyce Nardozzi

  • Melissa Anderson

    I totally agree with generation E for exhausted! Life should be about finding out who we are without working our fingers to the bone. I am currently working two jobs just to make ends meet. If I don’t get a certain amount done in a day, I can’t sleep and I feel like I am letting someone down. I am tired of the guilty feelings and working to please someone else and having no time for me or my family. But, in this society of money and bills it’s seems useless to try and do anything else. I really enjoy your ideas of enjoying the full moon…as I love mother nature. Time with family and friends is more important than doing the dishes or paperwork. I enjoy taking my dog for a walk, and my grandchildren for a ride in the wagon. Life is too short NOT to slow down. It’s just exhausting trying to fit it all in. My boss told me once not to worry about a missed story, as it could always be made up tomorrow. He said it’s not like we are “curing cancer”. Nothing is so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, unless if it’s unsaid words, like “I love you”…or “thank you” or “happy birthday”. We should all take time to realize who we are in our souls, not on the surface in this life of facades. It is the sense of true self inside that allows us to reach out and be who we are meant to be. I don’t think any of us were meant to do it all or be the superwoman we are expected to be. We are only human. So, let’s find a way to put down the cell phones, and e-mails, and work undone for one day a week to relax like we are supposed to. For it is when you look deep inside your soul and be as quiet and still as you can, that you will find that inner peace. Only then can we allow the pressures of today’s world to be set aside. Thank you for reminding me that we have this within us! We must just take time, every day or at least once a week, to feel the quiet. It is then that we will get rid of the guilt and truly begin to love ourselves…so others will want to love us as well.

  • Janine Fafard

    I certainly fully agree with you and congratulate you on your thoughts and actions…The same reasons brought me to develop Turya-Yoga of Self-Love!!!
    Keep up with your wonderful work!

  • Carol Carver

    Act #1 was timely since a life coach that I follow, Deb Dunn, had included that topic in her September newsletter and I’ve been reminding myself not to use the “b” word in conversation.
    I particularly like your third suggestion of asking myself in the morning how I can take care of me this day. I’m going to implement it tomorrow.
    Thank you for sharing.

  • Katherine

    What perfect timing to receive this blog, and what perfect synchronicity with my own day’s first question: what will be nurturing, for me, today? I’ve been having a gloriously slow day at home… and then got to say “YES!” to a spontaneous, drive-by offer to go press cider with some friends. Now home and hunkered down, I’m taking the day to fill my cup. And there is SO much I could be doing… 🙂 But not today.

  • Pamela Glendinning

    Thank you for the very gentle and caring stop sign!

  • Carol Nicholson

    Boy, I’m sooo guilty of letting my “to do’s” take over my “ta da’s”, even though I have cards on my mirror reminding me that I only need to do what makes me feel good. I’m 69 years old, retired, and STILL am busy all day and feel slighted if my husband doesn’t notice how clean the house is, or all the groceries I brought in!
    He, on the other hand, can come home from a job, and immediately go out into his “Man Cave” (I’m not kidding, he really has that sign over the door!) and immerse himself in his hobby of leatherworking. You’d think after being with him 21 years some of that would have rubbed off on me but it only seems to make me put on my martyr cloak and let him see me take out the garbage!
    But I AM going to change, I swear! I’ve kept up my 15 minute am meditation for a year, and I do try to sit down and watch Oprah….I go to the gym more because I can read my book while on the treadmill than for the exercise! I love your blog.

  • Melanie

    I am a single mother of four kiddos ages 15- 4 yrs old.
    People are always surprised by how relaxed and calm I am. They ask me how I do it, what is my secret…
    So here it is. I hope it helps someone 😉
    I always remember that if I were on an airplane, and we were about to crash, They flight attendants make the moms put on their oxygen BEFORE they help their kids with their oxygen!!!
    This is a huge way of shifting your thoughts. If you, the mom can’t breath, you can’t save your kids!
    So I have learned to take time for myself. To keep myself full, nourished, and content. I understand that my happiness is MY responsibility, and I must protect it a verociously as I protect my kids.

  • Shakaya

    Having just finished writing a book and preparing to start up my own company has been SO huge and overwhelming with a dizzying learning curve and loooong hours…Here I was about to open a site dedicated to helping women reclaim their health and embrace their beauty and I was nearly paralyzed in exhaustion and overwhelm 🙁
    So what did I do? I decided to spend time in the energy of the Queen of Self-Love herself- YOU! I took out my Me before We book again, dedicated myself to my first 40 day practice ever which feels so good and surprisingly invigorating- not like a chore at all- to be giving myself the nourishment of more sleep which has made me feel like a clear day after morning rain- refreshed, renewed and realigned!
    Thank you Christine for the honesty, wisdom and inspiration that flows from you like a singing brook into a Spring-fed pond…
    xo Shakaya
    EarthEmpress.com

  • Jeannie

    I agree entirely. Thank you so much for being you and for being one of the women putting this critical message out there to the world!

  • Carole Foley-Stewart

    Christine:
    Sounds like you are doing it!! KUDOS TO YOU!! You have been a big inspiration in my life…I am so glad to have met you and really admire all that you do!!!! Thanks for the Summer of Self Love and Inner Mean Girl Reform School!!~!!With much love and a big heart!!! That is OPEN TO RECEIVE!!! Carole

  • Jody Stanislaw

    Hi Christine!!!
    First of all, I am so excited to be writing to you! I am very excited to meet you and Amy someday! (I am soo putting this out to the Universe to happen!) I have listened to a few of your talks with Amy and cannot thank you enough for the gift that you both are giving to the world. You both inspire me immensely. You have created a business that is exactly in line with the vision that I am creating…yet are already further along the path. Thus I thank you for giving me a tangible, living-proof reality for me to experience, in order to serve as inspiration for the vision I am creating.
    This entry about never feeling like I am good enough/doing enough….omg, thank you so much!! I am sitting here alone on a Saturday night, feeling lonely and sad that I am a stupendous 37 year young woman who is still single, and then I read this blog entry and it put a smile on my face. Thank you!
    I have been a part of 12 step programs since I was 18 (on & off to be honest). The third step is all about “Letting Go, & Letting God.” Although I have heard about that step for 16 years, I have never even grasped it until the last 2 years. Here’s my story…
    After I finished naturopathic med school in 2007, I was so depleted, I didn’t feel I could work. Yet, I pushed myself for another year working 6 days a week at an international health resort for the rich & famous in Thailand… until I was so exhausted that I finally quit at the end of 2008.
    If I went home, I knew my family would expect me to start working right away so I went to Bali, so I could sleep & do nothing for 6 months….a first of a lifetime…to DO nothing. The only reason why I chose this was simply because I did not have another ounce of energy to give to anything or anyone….actually, it was more of a forced surrender than a choice.
    {I chose Bali because I wanted to meet the healers that Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about in Eat, Pray, Love. (which I did…but that’s a story for another time!)}
    I learned from a young age to be a do-er. Both my parents are attorneys. I lived in a high-achieving, ritzy city…literally down the street from where Bill Gates lives…the ultimate example of success of course. I learned that my value was on what I did & how I looked. This was not just a learned false belief from society, but I believed at my core that I had to be everything in order to be loved. I was pushing myself to be the best at everything, desperate to gain the love I was so hungry for… and ended up never having a relationship and being bulimic for over 10 years.
    (Bulimia is of course never a good thing but was especially damaging given that I’ve lived with Type 1 Diabetes since the age of 7.)
    Bulimia is a perfect analogy to my over-doing life…stuffing mass quantities of substance into my body in hopes of filling some bottomless hole, and then violently rejecting it out after feeling so sick, and ending up with an even deeper black hole, filled with shame, remorse, and self-hate.
    So I ended up in Bali in 2008 exhausted and finally too burned out to ‘DO’ anything more. (Yet of course still did yoga almost every day and wrote 300 pages of my book… about my introspection & lessons learned from my life while in Thailand… which has yet to be completed…but I’m planning on Oprah loving it so that my message will reach millions 🙂
    I came back to Seattle summer of 2009 and have refused to get a ‘real job.’ {Although am constantly vigilant about not falling into the depressive trap of making myself feel like crap (hey, that rhymed!) by comparing myself to my other doctor friends with their thriving practices, not to mention their marriages and children…this is quite the challenge for me, to say the least.}
    So since summer 2009, I have been working on starting my own health retreat business, which has gone nowhere…and yet I see this as a blessing from the Universe, allowing me to not work so hard. I have spent the last year living alone, sleeping in, exercising, meditating & going to a 10 day silent meditation retreat, going to 12 step meetings, making big nummy salads….This all sounds heavenly, until you hear the guilt and shame in my head…
    “You lazy sloth.” “I can’t believe you went to med school to fulfill your dream of becoming a doctor and you’re just sitting here on this couch, without a job. You should be embarrassed, you loser.” “How sad that you can’t get your shit together enough for any man to love you.” “You are missing out on life, doing nothing.” “What is wrong with you? You have a doctorate degree and you’re not using it.” “You are getting uglier and looking older by the day…your chances of finding a man to share your life with are decreasing with each wrinkle. What a shame because you used to be so pretty…”
    Now, living a spiritual path is not new to me. I know I don’t have to buy into believing my voices & I have a practice of loving the scared & hurt little girl that lies underneath all of them. So luckily, I’d say over half the time, I am in touch with Trusting the Universe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That the Universe has allowed me this amazing amount of downtime to gently learn what an incredible woman I am, without ‘doing’ anything.
    I HAVE let go of looking for the next answer, the next list-to-do that will make it all come together, the next workout plan, the next Do-thing that will ‘fix’ me. I’ve given up on all that!!! I tried to be superwoman and it didn’t work!! It back fired actually, as I sit here alone and single at the age of 37.
    I have finally grasped step 3: Let Go & Let God.
    I trust that my career of inspiring others to live healthy & joyful lives will continue to unfold and bloom. I trust that the Universe will bring the most wonderful man to me who will be my loving soulmate to share my life with. I now Trust that the Universe is actually the one in charge, not me alone! What a wonderful revelation!! The realization that I, each day, just need to do the little steps for being loving to myself & to make a few actions towards growing my business…I can Let Go of the fear of having to figure it all out and make it happen by myself!
    …and your entry confirmed all of that for me! I am not alone in this new wonderful way of living…of Letting Go being the answer to how to accomplish our dreams. We are not alone. We do not have to figure it all out ourselves. THANK YOU for spreading this message to all of your subscribers!!!
    In closing, if you are ever looking for another Self-Loving Soulmate Sistah to join you in any realm of your business, I would be beyond honored!! I am a great speaker, full of enthusiasm, and my patients often tell me how inspiring I am. I have a message of self-love and joy that I want to shout to the world…yet, I am still in the creation stage of that vision becoming my reality….Any advice you have would be priceless to me.
    THANK YOU WONDERFUL STUPENDOUS CHRISTINE!!!
    So much love & gratitude to you,
    Dr. Jody 🙂

  • Diane

    Thank you for that awesome reminder. Yes I too wear the badge of busyness and it doesn’t do anything but make me feel miserable, because I am always having to DO something. I am grateful for reading your blog and I thank you.

  • Kathy Voth

    This is so timely for me, Christine. After a series of exhausting years that have really stressed my and my husband, I am in the process of reinventing how I run my business and my home life, moving from chasing grants and being on the road most of the summer, to focusing on projects that can grow my business, and on a lifestyle that is more supportive of my family life.
    It’s been a hard road for the first two months. I feel like I need to clean the house more, make fancier meals, and wash and fold all the laundry just to justify that I’m not focusing so hard on my business. And of course that means that I’m not leaving time to work on the projects that can grow my business. And if I take time to stretch the stress out of my life, or do something just for me, I feel incredibly guilty.
    Meanwhile, my spouse is incredibly supportive and doesn’t demand that I add chores. In fact, he’s felt he has to work even harder around the house to, as he puts it, “keep up with me.”
    I’m not beating up on myself for my struggle. I just try to relax into things a little more each day and remind myself that any change takes concentration and a little time. Actually, I think of trying to be more like my cat, who I love even though she never “does” anything. She just “is” and that’s enough for her and for me.
    I will be watching for more of your thoughts on this. And I’ll share anything that I come up with too.
    Thank you for being!
    Kathy

  • Kelly

    Thanks, Christine! You have a really refreshing way of making me feel validated and hopeful! Sending you congratulations for the beautiful love affair with yourself, that is overflowing and inspiring the world!

  • Ea

    Dear Christine,
    Thanks for sharing this insight – we need to be reminded of this Truth every day. What a great proposal to support others (and our selves) when they present the DOING view of the world to us. On the other side if we have such people in our lives, they are just mirroring our own beliefs – and thus might fade out once we truly embrace the BEING.

  • Sheela

    Thank you for this reminder of self love, and just how important it is to BE rather than do.
    I was amazed at the description you quoted from dictionary.com for self-love, no wonder we have so many hang ups about being gentle, loving and kind to ourselves!
    I am now consciously aware of not affirming my busyness, instead I am affirming I give myself space and time to be who I truly am, and setting the example to my daughters.

  • Neelia

    Dear Christine
    you must be surely blessed for the work that you – fantastic article – well done and thank you so much for sharing. You are transforming millions of lives this way and your good work will return to bless you in ways you never imagined.
    Thank you so much
    Love Neelia

  • Petra Zirou

    Dear Christine, this is a transitional period, and as such it has many voids. Certainly though it is much more freferable than the past one, mainly because today the woman has freedom of choice. I will elaborate in a next email.
    Petra

  • Terra M Patterson

    Thanks for giving clearer expression to something I have been feeling. I have indeed burned my BUSY badge. At work, I admit, to engaging in some busy banter. Sometimes it’s true for the moment, but mostly to ward off extra requests.
    The tween girls’ book I written is rooted in Self esteem and uses the term self- esteem. However, I do mention taking time for yourself. In our opinion, is self love more ideal than Self esteem?
    jadore’ the article
    Terra

  • Teri Williams

    Wonderful, Christine. I couldn’t agree more. It’s time for all of us to remember who we are – human beings taking up space in this beautiful place. That’s reason enough to celebrate….
    When we stop long enough to breathe, to be mindful and aware of what’s REAL in life we realize it isn’t the next email or the next promotion. It’s being able to enjoy and “be” with what and who we are.
    Am off to fully enjoy this Sunday: a movie, a walk and a delicious pot of vegetarian bean soup shared with my hubby and family.
    Love, including Self Love, is what matters most. How can we possibly love anyone or anything if we don’t love ourselves first?
    Rock on Self Love Sister!
    Teri Williams

  • Susie

    Food as energy:
    I’m responding to your email newsletter about not eating meat and learning about food as energy! This is such a great experiment to see what works best for your body. If you discover you do need meat, elk is one of the highest vibrating animal proteins. Otherwise, fresh, organic, and whole is the way to get the most life out of your food!
    Best! Susie Beiler

  • Phyllis Wedding

    Thank you, thank you dear one !! It’s so important for young women to value themselves for the precious beings that they are. I grew up in the 40’s-50’s,before the ‘feminist’ revolution, and carry still a lot of the conditioning from that era. I’m working on it though, and I am soooo grateful for blessed young women like you who are feeling and throwing off the weight of any conditioning that may be stopping us, women and men, from opening to the possibilities of our human experience on this planet !! And thank you again from the bottom of my heart !!

  • Necey Singleton

    Wow this article was fabulous and so needed. A vale of strong inner knowing descended upon me a couple of years ago to make the shift to take better care of myself and love me more. I’m thankful for the opportunity to read your article this morning, because I too quite often chant about my busyness, and how much I have on my plate, and my lack of time. Nevertheless, lately, when I feel stressed I find myself relishing in doing absolutely nothing on days when I feel I have to conquer the world. I tell myself this is good and I realize that it is. My soul wants to rest. The amazing thing is that I can clearly see the illusion that time is limited and that I have to burn myself out to get it all done. I’m learning to release the guilt of it all and do the best that I can when I can. The funny thing is that everything always somehow works out. It feels good to take more time for myself. I exercise, eat better, read, exfoliate and moisturize my skin properly, and pamper my feet and hands. I deserve it. Everything else just has to wait until I do me. I will do the steps you recommended and know that your work has so much meaning. Thank you!
    Sincerely
    Necey

  • Lynn Jones

    What a great article full of fabulous info and challenges to help make our life more peaceful and productive. I appreciate your focus on not giving in to the pressure to DO, but instead to BE. Personal development is so necessary, as the world is always screaming at us to do and be something else. Our journey is to become our best self!
    Thank you!
    Lynn Jones

  • renata kolbus

    Hi Christine:
    On first hit after reading your insightful blog – I must admit I wanted to pick up the phone and talk to you directly – which in time I know – you and I will create that space just for you.
    Looking beyond the surface and getting to the root and core trigger that drives any-body into overdrive is the foundation restructuring of coming to terms with what truly is ment for any one spirit that exists on this earth.
    While many experts have opinions and tools that can effectively work to help reduce stress and the core fear that drives one into anxiety or overwhelm – the core is generally fear based.
    While yes in the exterior world a co-dependency is required in order to meet our fundamental base needs of survival – many women are still up against the male patryarchal type systems that have been in place for hundreds of years.
    What many women fail to acknowledge is that truly behind any of the masculine “world” decisions many women have strong influence in arena’s they are not even aware of. Many women are the influence and inspiration towards creating a better life and often times are the idea and creative source for those most closest and intimate.
    The disempowerment that most women experience is because they are not acknowledged and respected for their contributions. In more cases than not – many women are belittled by the shere fact that their ideas are utilized via their partners in life in the work place but never receive the recognition.
    The core to developing an internal magnet of happiness is ensuring that one has those individuals in their lives on an intimate level who respect ones contibutions to bettering their lives together. Division of partnership and having a partnership that works cohesively with honor and dignity is the foundation to any healthy relationship. The problem is finding that individual who gets that.
    The education of how to relate and synergy is the core to any healthy balanced existence. Meaning we aleign our values with that which serves each individual best both internally and exteriorly out to the world.
    We can have a want list and a to do list miles long but if one is unable to look beyond the basics because of a lack of capacity or faculty to do so – than one will only continue to stay stuck in their core root addiction or to-do lists.
    The breakthrough comes when one begins to syncronize their energy with that which serves their basic abilities and ones passion. No one person or therapist or methodalogy can give that to you other than you seeking and addressing your basic foundation needs.
    Society teaches us to skip over basic needs and catapults us into a rehlm we have not earned energetically. Lack and limitation comes because of this limited belief – the must have it all at the cost of anything – or I deserve it because…..etc… What is forgotten is that it is a privilege not a right to be in the world and to be of service. The world does not owe us – we owe the world.
    To obtain a true level of self actualization we must sacrifice our beings on some level to experience and bring in the experiences we must learn for our spirit and how we are to be in the world as intended by God and Mother Nature.
    Regardless of the outcome – to even try…. is a step towards recovering from a world driven by a manipulative force that is out of our control. The only control we truly have is within ourselves and the choices we make. We forget we have Human Rights within our own barometer but in reality we are always breaking the law within our own psyche. Enegetically this comes back on us at some point as you have experienced yourself.
    No matter what we have to offer the world within our passion scope or skills the key to any kind of success is working with the law and applying the thoughts necessary to bringing about abundance and fruitration in ones life.
    When I refer to working with the law – these are the universal laws that when we are in synergy and work through discipline, focus and consitancy, how one is rewarded and manifests the results ment for them. What we are all seeking is how to bone in on one particular gift or skill and than expand it out. Rapid expansion can cause a person to become overwhelmed – the body and mind are or become out of aleignment. We must adjust and pull back if we are stretched to far – otherwise one is barely holding on and has inadvertantly created their own vortex.
    This is where most professionals get themselves caught. In their owns side vortex of which than only creates other problems – such as mental health issues, physical aliments, burnout, depression, addictions and the list goes on.
    Success truly comes at the heals of gentle growth not an injection of steriodal rapid impulsions that blows the DNA structure and chemical balance way out to left field thinking that that will fix it.
    Opposite occurs and the results are a whole new species emerges without a core foundation and integrated human rights system in place. The natural regression is to martyr or poor me when the course/path is not presenting the way one thought it would.
    The reasons for this is that the pathway was stunted before it even had time to be nurished and encouraged to fruitration…..

  • Gina

    Hi Christine,
    Love this post! I too sometimes felt ‘bad’ for not starting to work at 9AM or close to it. Now, I don’t. That morning ‘me’ time is so precious and I get more done in less time when I start with ‘me’.
    So thank you for the reminder and I hope other women will try your 3 Acts to Self Love!
    Gina 🙂

  • Andrea Owen

    Christine, love this! Add “Generation O” for “overachiever 😉
    I recently experienced burnout myself, starting my business, training for a triathlon (plus more) while I have a 3 year old and 1 year old. I had to ask myself, “What’s it all for? What am I trying to prove? Do I want to live the rest of my life racing through life?” And the bottom line: I was NOT having fun. Yuk.
    So, I’m taking 2 months off. My “inner mean girl” is freaking out, but she’ll have to just have the tantrum alone. Because I’m taking care of ME! 🙂
    xo

  • Maureen Cox

    Thank you Christine
    For voicing out loud exactly what I have been feeling, and beating myself up for. I am taking baby steps to allow myself to just be with having to prove that I am worthy of letting go.

  • Luci

    Hi, Christine,
    I used to run with the best of them – pretty much competing for the medal of “who’se busiest and craziest”. Then one day I realized that wasn’t how I wanted to live, and complaining about not being able to get off the roller-coaster just perpetuated it. I decided that since I’m in control of my own life, I’m going to make it something that I TRULY enjoy … not something that’s going to cause me to have a heart attack at the age of 50, and not something that involves competing with people on how hard I’m working.
    Like everything else, it requires a little work and reminding – since this is a way of living that I only adopted a couple of years ago. Thanks to your blog and other workshops, my meditation instructors, and some very wise women in my life, I’m much better at it now. I still work hard.. but I also have balance.
    Asking myself what “I” want today is still something really new, but it’s SO cool when I remember to get in touch with me. Thanks so much for these reminders.
    We’re definitely on the same page this week. Literally. I just wrote a post about how I made my “new year’s resolution” already – to make having fun a daily priority. (http://blog.lucigabel.com)
    Much Love to you, Christine!!

  • chelsia

    Hi Christine,
    “You’ve got a mail!”, Surprise for me to get an email in my inbox from you. Never ever imagine that as a great woman that I always admire, you would send me simple encouragement to light up my day. Till I am here to read your blog. In meantime, I’d like your writing about 21st century women with her huge responsibilities and how to act with Self-Love! Hehehe…sure I will keep following read your blog. Keep up good writing to inspire us! =)

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