Self Love is Narcissism… the dictionary people have lost their minds!

 In Self Love, Wisdom Blog

Last February when I was getting ready for a radio interview to talk about my book, Choosing ME before WE, I decided for kicks to look up the definition of self-love, figuring that since my book was all about self-love, it would be good to know what the ‘official’ definition was. When I got to (the dictionary for those of us on the go), I about fell out of my chair!!!  Here is what I read, and what still defines self love as today:
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Okay, did you fall out of your chair too? Are they kidding us? Narcissism. Conceit. Vanity.

So if you haven’t figured it out already, reading this definition raises the hair on my neck, it makes me mad. And it makes me really SAD! Sad because the reality is that my heart breaks every time I see a woman in relationship that’s killing her soul… or I hear a young girl say something negative about her body or her abilities… or I watch one of my friends, smart, beautiful, powerful women, beat themselves us for everything they are not. My heart breaks because I have been that girl and that woman. My heart breaks because I know what is possible with self love, and I know how beautiful, powerful and magnificent EVERY woman and girl really is…and owning that isn’t narcissism, that is self-love

Definitions matter, because words matter. Words are vibration and they determine our reality. Everything we say, think and feel determines the world we live in. So if there is a vibration out there saying that self-love is narcissism, then we cannot as a society feel free to fully embrace self-love. Whether we are aware of it our not, this warped version of self love is in our subconscious, lurking around keeping us from truly loving the most important person in our lives, ME. And that is not selfish. It’s self-less, because as any spiritual teacher will tell you, and as I can attest to this from my own experience, it is only when you truly love you that you are free to truly love another.

So back to the definition of self love…
Buddha said “You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” 

And I say that Buddha is a heck of lot wiser than whoever writes the definitions over at (who’s job is that anyway?). So with Buddha standing behind us, cheering us on, I decided that it’s time that we reclaim the definition of self love, on our terms!! Who says you can’t change a definition — or reclaim it as I have to believe that the original definition was what it is today.

It’s a self-love revolution… will you join me??

We are asking women, girls (and guys too!) to tell us what their definition of self love is… to write their own personal definition of self love. Think of if like your own self love manifesta!!  We are so excited about this idea, that we are going to take all the definitions people send us and petition to change their definition! And we’ve made it super easy for you to participate…

1.  Write your personal definition of self-love. 
We’ve written a self love manifesta that describes what a world of self love would be like. It’s called the Madly in Love with ME Manifesta and you can view it our website .

2. Post your self-love manifesta to the discussion board on our Facebook Fan page or email it to us. The Madly in Love with ME Facebook fan page hosts an entire discussion forum where people from all over the world can post their manifestas. Go to the fan page and post yours too. Or you can simply email us at with the subject Self Love Manifesta and we will post it for you.

3. Tell your friends to write their self love manifestas! If you go to our website at you will see on the left hand side how you can send a link to your friends and encourage them to participate.

Lastly, once you have written your definition of self-love, put it somewhere you can see it everyday – like tape it to your bathroom mirror, seriously!!! And read it out loud to yourself. Make it part of your self love practice.

Love is a practice. Start by practicing with yourself!
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