Self-Love Dare #5: Do the Love Stare & Let Love In

 In Self Love, Self-Love Dare

When I first did this dare about six years ago at one of the first spiritual-pooloza-like conventions I attended – five days in the Palm Springs desert with some of the most influential and masterful spiritual teachers of the 21st century – I admit that I was VERY uncomfortable. “You want me to hold hands with a stranger, touch my knees to their knees and stare into their eyes for 5 minutes? Have you lost your mind? Have I????” That was indeed the inner dialogue going on inside my head. My heart was having her own internal conversation too, sweating bullets, scared to death of the kind of emotional intensity she could feel coming. Luckily, my spiritual warrior, the one who has continually had the courage to face growth experience after growth experience, had the strongest voice this day. I call this part of me Arylo, she is my most enlightened, courageous self and although she may feel fear she never lets it stop us.

So on this day, as the facilitator of the workshop said, “Find a partner, someone you don’t Love stare dareknow, and then turn your chairs towards each other,” Arylo spoke loudly to me saying, “Let’s try this. The worst thing that could happen is that we will die, and they usually don’t kill people off at these spiritual-pooloza-like conventions, bad press!”  So we found a partner, held hands and touched knees with her, and began the staring process.

As the first few seconds clicked away, I found myself wanting to let this person in. I started letting go of some of layers of armor around my heart – not all of them mind you, but more than had ever been let down to a stranger before. I also found myself wanting to see her, and to have her feel me seeing her. As the minutes ticked, I could feel her letting me in. For five minutes we did this dance, and when the bell rang to let go, I found that I could have stayed there for a much longer time. I felt exhilarated and free. I became a Love Stare junkie, repeating the exercise time and time again with anyone who would let me. And now here I am, daring you to do the same.  I dare you to do the Love Stare and let more love in to your heart and soul!

Do the Love Stare & Let The Love In


  1. Get a partner. Find a person who’s older than a baby and has less than four limbs to do this with. Babies, toddlers and doggies don’t count. No risk there.
  2. Set the purpose. Explain to them what the Love Stare is and why you are doing it.
  3. Set the time. Agree to a time period to try it out. Set timer. Minimum 4 minutes the first time.
  4. Assume the Love Stare Position. Sit facing each other, knees touching, hands holding, staring into each other’s eyes.
  5. Do the Love Stare. Your job is to both see the other person and let yourself be seen.
  6. Stay & Feel It. When the timer goes off, don’t immediately let go. Actually stay connected and feel what happened.
  7. Thank You.  Say “Thank You” to each other. Hug even!
  8. Share. Talk about what you both experienced, both in giving and receiving during the 4 minutes.
  9. Repeat Often.

avoid these no nos so that you keep the love in that you just spent 4 minutes generating.

  • Smiling okay, laughing not.  Don’t use the giggles to dissipate the energy between the two of you. Laughing can be a way to keep the love from coming in.
  • Don’t apologize or say anything negative about yourself post stare. Just say thank you and talk about what you experienced. Negative thoughts are also a way to shove love out.
  • Don’t stand up and disconnect right after the four minutes is up. It will cause a break in the energy. Stay connected and challenge yourself to stay with the vulnerability.
  • Don’t worry about what the other person is thinking while you are doing the love stare. Just stay focused on giving and receiving love. They’re experience is not your responsibility.

Now get going and get that Love Stare started!  Maybe you can even have a Love Stare party ☺

To get more love dares, download a free copy of the Madly in Love with ME Kit at

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  • Barbel

    Yippie, I love this…I too went to one of these “spiritual pooloza’s” and did the exercise! I picked a man (me being a woman) in order to get more comfortable to let men love me for who I am (besides sexy & flirtatious) and me to see them more than just a “hunk”…love your emails, thanks a bunch!!!

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