ME-Vow #2: 100% Honesty, 100% Responsibility
Okay, let’s face it ladies, we have all lied to ourselves at one time or another… to hang on to a relationship way longer than we should have… to avoid having to admit our weaknesses and failures and insecurities… to avoid being present with the truth of our reality so we wouldn’t have to admit to our part in creating a mess or a stress out of our lives.
I’ll admit it… I am a former Queen of Illusion. If there was a lie to be told about relationships and love, I told it to myself just so I could stay in a 15-year relationship 14 years too long. I have on ocassion, let myself feel like a victim to what was happening around me, and I have at times so wanted to make something the other person’s fault, completely. But about 5 years ago I took a vow that changed my life … that I would be 100% honest with myself always, uncompromising, unwavering self-honestly. I took that promise because I learned one really important LIFE TRUTH…
affects everything in our lives
If we want the lives we say we really want… then we have no choice but to be honest – all the time.
What Stops Us from Being Honest… Why Do We Want to Lie To ME?
What I learned was that it wasn’t the truth that I was afraid of, it was the consequences to admitting or sharing that truth that scared the daylights out of me. I lied to myself about my relationship because if I was honest, that meant I would have to leave him. And the hard truth was, I was afraid to be alone. The woman from Oregon who said she never ever wanted to get married, told herself that lie, because she was afraid of being vulnerable and being hurt again. I listen to my clients tell themselves lies like “I’m not good enough to be a published author. I don’t have this degree so I will never be successful.”
Those are lies too! And we cannot afford to tell ourselves lies any longer! If you really want the life you say you do then you MUST get downright real with yourself about everything in your life! And that is my challenge to us all this week on our adventure to self-love.
DARE: Find at least one lie that you are telling yourself about who you are, about your life situation, or about your current life choices and CHANGE IT from a lie to the TRUTH!
Now since you are lying to yourself it might be hard to discover this lie, so be bold and ask someone who knows you really well, “In what ways do you think I am lying to myself – about me, about my relationships, my career, my finances, etc.” Pick someone you trust and give them permission to be 100% honest with you, promising them that you won’t get mad at them and that you really do want to know. When you have convinced them that it is safe (and if you aren’t doing any promising here, you probably aren’t going to get a very deep answer), shut up and listen. Take in what they say, don’t make excuses, don’t defend yourself, just listen. After they finish simply say “Thank You for being so honest.” And then if you can share from your heart about how their insight is affecting what you see in yourself, share. Like “Wow, you know, I am feeling really scared, vulnerable, etc. because …. ” If you can’t share from your heart, just stick with the THANK YOU and mull over what they had to say on your own, using it to find your truth.